Yesterday, Katrina Brown and I walked around campus scoping out our classrooms while we skipped out on orientation. I have a lot of terrific classrooms: big lecture halls with rows of desks, cozy little rooms with tables and chairs. But the very best one is my grad class classroom. It is old and beautiful and brown and white and has old black chalkboards and nice windows. Katrina said it was Harry Potter-esque. I just thought it was lovely. I've been looking forward to that class from the moment I weaselled my way into it. But if I hadn't been excited before, those chalkboards would have done it for me.
While we were strolling, it was sunny and warm and Katrina asked, "What are your biggest fears about school?" I love Katrina Brown. She's full of good books, good answers, and good questions. I thought about it a bit, and decided that I was a bit nervous, but not so much about school. I was nervous about autumn.
It's September 2nd, and it kind of scares me.
Spring is my very favorite season. I love watching green burst through the grey and seeing the people and the tulips come out. I've never really cared much for autumn- especially the early part of the season. I don't know why. I've always loved the color and the clothes and the coziness. I like caramel apples and cider and pumpkin pie. But autumn always makes me sad, somehow.
I feel like I haven't had a real autumn in a long time. Three years ago, I was in Norway for autumn, and it was different. Two years ago, I had too much running through my mind to notice anything outside of it. Last autumn (last year?!), I was in Romania and it was different. I feel like I haven't had a real autumn in a long time and I don't know how it is going to be and I don't know if it will make me sad. The unknown gets me nervous sometimes.
Adam is a regular at Escape. He prefers his coffee black like in Grapes of Wrath and can devour 250 page books in under 2 1/2 hours. The other day, he said, "The reason people in LA are so fucked up is because they don't have any seasons. Every day is the same. They wake up and it's the same. You don't have to get things ready for winter or anything like that. There's no progression." I've never been to LA, so I can't really say anything about that, but I can imagine that Adam has a point. I think if I didn't have seasons moving around me, I would be heaps more of a mess. When I look at it, my own process seems to tag along with the path of the seasons. Wintertime is very peaceful and internal for me. I often make big choices in the winter. Learn big things. See a lot of stars. It's a really beautiful time. Spring is when lots of growing and planting and greenly things happen. It's a really rich time. Summers are external, a lot of change and action. It's a very bright time.
But in autumn, everything dies. The leaves fall, the grass turns brown. The air changes its taste and the wind blows harder (if I love one thing about autumn, it's that: the wind). The dying of fall scares me. But I know that it's good: for the earth and for me. And even though I am nervous about it, I am looking forward to fall with all of my heart, even if it does make me sad.
I think a bit of sadness is a very healthy thing.
Let me say with full sincerity: Welcome, September. I'm glad you are here.
What do you think about seasons and how do you feel about fall? Which seasons do you love and which do you dread and are you glad it's September?